well a crap load has happened since last year, i don't know wtf happened so, w/e to that.....well i don't know what to right, nor am i in the mood...It just snowed here where i'm from and it's pretty cool, no school...but yet, i'm suffereing as it is now been a month and a half since my parents talked to me...After being in trouble for getting such low grades..(70s an 80 and a 90) i have to work hard to restore my music classes and devices. If you've ever played an instrument and loved it, you'd know, not having your instrument is like sucking reason and any points in living. Sure you can substitute your attention elsewhere, but then it hits you..."I could have been an amazing soloist, or "i could have finally played that one piece that you know causes your heart to race" and so now....the story of my life
I will never ever have the courage to tell this girl i like her b/c, honestly, it just gets so complicated this love triangle, life is complex kind of thing...
I lost my music, and my reason
I'm working hard just to get back my music
and also kind of procrastinating....
i hate myself. i hate being lonely i hate being betrayed, everything just sucks..there hasn't been a decent manga series in forever, and i'm starting to think that, it's just going to get worse...I wish something would let up....it's just too much for me....I don't think i've ever asked for too much, and I'm even willing to work for it..but, it seems like, no one is going to give me a break...I sit here and think, What's the point of writing this? i mean what's the point if no one is going to read it...But i kinda realize, the point of this, is not for others to read, but to make a somewhat self awareness to our own situations, like a reality check....
in an opposing side of me I think...."well what the hel am i talking about? i'm onl 17, what tfreak would i know about life? everywhere, online, at school at home, people talk like they know what they're talking about, but they really don't" is it possible to really know everything? do we do it for a sense of comfort? sense of superiority? why? does it not only lead to a false pretense? misunderstandings and pain in some cases? I wish i could say that to the girl i like, seeing as she likes to get all philosophical and out do me, (though she'd never admit it). I don't know...i wish i had more faith in myself...instead of hating myself....no one seems to be able to take me seriosly. even when i...i don't know anymore.....


well good luck you guys...
hopelessness... is it contagious?